So how do you let go of social media without suffering from FOMO anxiety?
Thanks to my age, I was riding the Facebook wave from the very beginning. How amazing it was to see what my school friends were now doing, how they were living their lives, what jobs they were doing, and checking out their holiday photos. At the start it was all quite fascinating and gave you, dare I say it, a sense of peeking into other people’s lives that were previously unavailable to you. At no time did I ever question why I was so suddenly so interested in the lives of others from whom I had simply moved on due to the natural progression of life.
After Facebook came many other social media networks all vying for time and attention. As soon as the next one arrived, it was time to switch focus and understand the new way of sharing. Now, it was not only necessary to share on one site but two, then three, then four. Slowly but subtly, more time, energy and attention became focused on the tiny screen, the activities of others seeming to be more interesting than real life. The need for ‘escapism’ was readily provided via a screen and it soon became a quick fix for boredom and a welcome distraction to many. It was easy to fall in love with it or simply to become consumed in the lives of others that appeared to be far more interesting. At no time did it spark a thought of ‘as long as I am focusing on their lives, I don’t need to look at my own’. After all, everyone was doing it..
After a while, I noticed that social media was encroaching on all areas of life. A holiday was no longer about relaxing and unwinding with friends and family. It became a competition to see who was having the best time, visiting the best sights, eating the best food, with the best friends, enjoying the best weather. Was it all real or simply a display of ‘look at me and my wonderful life’?. Posting to social media became more important than being in the experience of the moment.
Social media had now infiltrated all areas of life and now was a main topic of conversation, but not in a healthy way. Suddenly comments were being made about someone (that the person didn’t even know or have a connection with) about their appearance, their weight, their posting etc.. It became a toxic, free-for-all to literally bash any aspect of a person simply because they had shared online. Again, because everyone else was doing it, it became the norm with no conscience of ‘is this really the right thing to do’. The number of ‘likes’ also became a topic.. I have literally watched someone ‘deflate’ when they realised their post had only received a few likes.. The impact on a person’s self esteem and self confidence can be devastating. At no time, during this period of social media, did anyone question why they felt it was important to be liked by complete strangers or acquaintances from a distant past.
More and more over time, I became saddened and disheartened by what I was seeing on social media. To see such hate, resentment, jealousy in addition to people openly feeling it was their right to shame or judge someone simply because they were online, made me step back. I simply felt sad by the state of the world, by the lack of compassion for others.
Stepping back from social media is quite scary. How will I know what everyone is doing? I’ll no longer be able to participate in conversations at dinner or at the water cooler? But what would I get back if I just stepped back? More
peace with my own life? Less comparison of my x, y or z with others? Perhaps I can just go on holiday and disconnect and read a book again. Build a sandcastle with my kids without needing to take 50 photos of the same activity just
so show how clever my son / daughter is..
When you tell other people that you have deleted your facebook / twitter account, it can be seen as a rejection. ‘Are we no longer interesting enough for you?’. I once even received a comment ‘well if you’re not on Facebook then
I won’t remember your birthday’.. I guess with these comments, you have to question if they are a friend in the first place or are they simply afraid that you have the guts to say ‘enough, it’s time to focus on my own real life’
vs spending all my free time scrolling, looking at the lives of others.
If deleting your social media account seems extreme, then you can simply start by setting a limit on your phone for the amount of time you spend on each app. You will soon start to realise how much time is simply spent scrolling. Swap your time on social media with reading a book via an e-reader app on your phone. I would often say ‘I have so many books that I would love to read but not enough time’.. Only to later realise that I had just spent 45 mins on social media scrolling people / posts that were not really important to me or my life.
My final realisation came when a little thought popped into my head… ‘at what point did I start believing that the lives of others were more important than my own?’… It was a bit of a harsh reality check but one that I am very glad came my way.
Questions to ask yourself:
- What am I avoiding in my own life when spending time viewing the lives of others?
- How much time per day do I spend on social media (good to be honest with yourself here..)
- How do I feel about my own life after viewing social media?
- Do I find myself comparing my life, body, opinions after viewing items on social media?
- Do I leave social media feeling good about the world, people, climate or am I filled with anxiety about the future?